Downsizing Sis

C25K again

2011-09-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

I really think I can do this. :)

The only thing is, I keep forgetting to put on my knee straps, and now that school is full swing, I'm feeling the love in my knees a little bit when climbing and descending all those schools stairs. Gotta start remembering that little detail...

The 5k I've picked is November 12th, and benefits a private school in a local community. I have 2 friends who are supposed to sign up too. :) I'm really looking forward to it.

But I have to say, this morning when I was doing the run, I had a few doubts about my abilities. lol. But in popped that great old Scripture, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and you know, I believe that it is in God's will that I be healthier, so I just thought about that promise and before I knew it, the run was over.

Thanks, my Jesus. :) You're the lifter of my head. And my feet, for that matter.

C25K

2011-09-09T06:07:00.003-07:00

Week 2, day 2 - smoked it. :)

slow but sure

2011-08-19T16:43:00.000-07:00

The workouts have been going good and I'm very slowly starting to see some little results here and there. Pants not fitting quite so tight. :) Woot.

Jen and I have a solid 30 minute workout, sometimes going 35 or so, depending on whether or not we switched equipment. She rocks the elliptical and that one kicks my butt - I'm really only able to do about 15-20 minutes tops on that; I rock the stationary bike and it kicks her rear, lol.

But, I'm missing my running, so much. If it wasn't so stinking hot, I could do some in the afternoons occasionally, but I just can't bring myself to run in 105 or even 105+ heat, especially with the humidity. I guess I'll have to wait a bit til it cools down...

Brought the weight bench home and put it in my little 'workout room' (my big closet haha) because I just wasn't getting to it in the studio. Now I have to line out my weight plan. I never know what to do on that thing. I think I'll just do some basic arm weights and a lot of situps/crunches, and then get back on the Pilates plan. Which I totally dread, because I haven't done it in forever and I know it's gonna hurt. "Pain is weakness leaving the body." lol. Yeah, yeah... ;)

Okay, Tom, you can see I'm still at it. :) And Lee, Tina, if y'all check in here ever, "hey, y'all!" (waving)

hanging in there

2011-07-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

I've now started an early morning workout with my friend Jenni, using some equipment as well as walking. Oh my gosh, I am weaker than I thought; but the weird thing is, Jen said I was in good shape :D That's a nice thing to hear, but still, I know the truth. ;)

back in the saddle again

2011-07-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

Today, I took the tahoe and measured out the running path I'm using, because honestly, I had no clue. The portion I'm using right now is 1.5 miles long (round trip), and I have the 1 mile path marked now as well. It's slow starting after so long, but I need this so badly; I've noticed physical changes in my body this past year that, if I don't do something about now, will not contribute to continued strength and sought-after fitness.

So, anyway - I'm at it again. Pouring with sweat, burning legs (and lungs!), walking more than running, still, I'm at it. It feels good, and it feels right.

This time, I'm not pounding pavement, I'm taking hills and on a softer dirt road. I like this much much better. I am thinking I should get different shoes - some perhaps with more ankle support, because while the road isn't bad, I do have to pay more attention to where my feet land, due to, well, being a dirt road. lol.

Gotta go shower now. Who in the world would start back a walking/running program in the middle of July? Me. lol

hello, baby hello, haven't seen your face for a while,

2011-03-01T18:22:00.000-08:00

Remember that? "So goodbye, yellow brick road, where the dogs of society howl; you can't plant me in your penthouse, I'm going back to my plow" rofl

Okay, so just a short check in - the house, which started out with a bang, immediately brought in a deluge of rain-drenched weeks. lol. I've now figured out how to cure short AND long term drought. Wash your car if you just want a short relief from dry weather, but to really get things back in balance, start building a house and farmers will praise you mightily! haha

Anyway - it's going well now, when I went up this evening for the daily check (I'm so 10 years old, lol), the builders have started roofing it, and it's about halfway covered. I'm hoping they finish that tomorrow, and then cover it with that black stuff (technical speak, you know), and then finish the black board thingies that they have on 3 of the outer walls. Then they can start the hardi-panel and hopefully the roofers can come shingle it. Really soon. :) Because EVERYBODY says it goes faster once the roof is on and the outer walls are up. Hmm. We'll see about that. Still, even though it seems slow, it's really not, and I'm still stinkin excited about it. And now that we've had some 70 degree days, I'm thinking roses already, so not only am I itchin to get in the new house, I'm itchin to get my hands in the dirt. ;)

Okay so where was that short thing I mentioned up there? I really came by just to post that I'm running again. :) And doing some weights. I feel great about that. On the 23rd of this month, it will be 6 months since my surgery and I'm way past ready for running again. The soreness, the expanding of my lungs, and the extra motivation to eat better really has been missed, and I didn't even realize how much.

I'll be taking my measurements again this weekend (bleh) and posting progress over the coming weeks. Because not only do I feel enough like my old self to run again, I've really had blogging on my mind these past couple of weeks. Apparently I've missed it bunches, too. :)

XO

after so long a climb...

2010-12-22T18:25:00.000-08:00

I'm so tumbling down fast! But it's a wonderful fall...

Okay, so - first, wow, I've been so busy I haven't been able to spend much time here or even with myself! lol. Jack's firmly entrenched in his eating plan, and though Christmas is tempting me so bad, I'm doing my best not to eat too much junk. It's been crazy, though, and I've been "bad" much more than I should have -

But I'm not giving up. Just hanging on and waiting for that neverfail New Year's resolution LOL.

Big news though, news that motivates me greatly to get busy on many many projects and commitments that I have on so many back burners, it's a wonder I haven't caught fire. We are building a house! Eek! I see SO many doors God's opened and still opening, and I praise Him for it, thank you sweet God, and I love you for being so good to me!

We signed yesterday, dirt pushers are coming tomorrow, well is being dug, and materials are supposed to be delivered Monday. I am pretty stinkin excited!

I moved the weight bench over to the studio a while ago, but still haven't got the treadmill over there. But I can tell you this - as good as I feel, my endurance is pa-the-tic! Muscle strength, bleh. Surgery kicked my bee-hind more than I wanted to admit. I have so far to go...

So - not much progress to report yet but my heart is still happy, and my mind is still determined. Time to get organized again, and not just talking about it. First on the list, I need some new running shoes. Mine are so sad.

People - life is good. Even for a chunky girl. rofl

new lease on life

2010-11-14T13:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, so here I am. Same weight as I started with last summer. Actually, 2 pounds more. Not a good track record, and not cause for hope. A friend of mine tells me he holds out little hope for anyone actually succeeding at losing weight and adopting/keeping a healthy lifestyle.

I thought, last year, that I had done just that. I was wrong.

Mentally and physically, I just went through a hard year. Mentally, I just couldn't wrap my mind around, well, myself. It's hard to describe, I'm not really sure how. Just felt like I was floating free, with no anchor or sightline to a shore. I know, being a Christian, that's not how it is, but I did feel that way. Physically, I found out that all these problems I've been having actually were a problem, and not just pesky.

But now, that's taken care of, and I know it might just be in my head, but I feel like I am thinking so much clearer than I have been for a long time. And I feel really good, 7 weeks post hysterectomy. REALLY good.

And so, even though there isn't much cause for hope, based on the topsyturvy past year, still indeed I DO hope. Enough to start over. Tomorrow is the big day. :) I feel wonderful about it. I look forward to it. I need it.

Jack also hasn't been feeling well and has gained his weight back over the past year. That's so not like him, and it's surprising to me that he hasn't really seemed to have the will to jumpstart again. So, as he went on an out of town trip the other day, I did something I never ever have done in our marriage: I "told him what he was going to do." heehee

Seriously, I've never told him what to eat, never told him how to cut his hair, or what clothes to wear or what books he should read, etc. We are quite independent for a married couple (TOO independent sometimes, HAHA). In fact, Jack always cooks his own separate meals when he's on the wagon.

But now, he needs some help, I'm thinking. And didn't God call me a helper? So I said "Monday, we are both starting over. I know you do the Atkins diet and I don't, but if I'm cooking something with chicken, I can cook you a separate breast, and as I make spaghetti, I'll cook you a hamburger patty or a steak. I'll help you with this."

And for once, instead of bristling that I bossed him around, he said "Okay."

So here we go. Hope is in the air. And I don't care that it's just over a week til Thanksgiving. I like challenges. :)

3 things I learned last night

2010-03-12T04:33:00.000-08:00

1. If you keep your exercise stuff in the car, it cuts way down on the number of excuses you have to not.

2. A mirror, although causing great mental agony, helps with form tremendously.

3. I am not as flexible as I like to think I am. LOL

...

Isaiah 40:28b-31

2010-03-10T17:43:00.000-08:00

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of all the earth.

He never grows weak or weary.

No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

He gives power to the weak

and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired,

and young men will fall in exhaustion.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

Sometimes you have a day where, from start to finish, it just seems like everybody is kicking your butt. I need new strength, and to soar. This night, I'm banking on these promises.

pee ess

2010-03-09T19:43:00.000-08:00

I LOVE my new workout pants. They are shorter (right below the knee), fit better, not as hot as the other ones, and best of all, they were on sale for $28. Woot!

http://www.dickssportinggoods.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3951475 This is it, but the picture is still of the long pants for some goofy reason.

Anyway. I love em.

knowledge is power

2010-03-09T16:36:00.000-08:00

3 things I learned today:

1. When you are doing the fastwalk part of the intervals, and find yourself wimping out on the stride length, and you know you need to stop doing sissy baby steps, but it hurts, it helps if you imagine yourself splayed out flat on your back on the road mumbling "...want...my......mama....." Yes, you will lose some of your precious breath laughing, but it really does help.

2. When placing your water bottle on the ground in the shade by one of your tires, sort of hiding it til you get back from the first mile, choose a place that's not underneath the hot engine. That way your water will stay cool. Duh. Not rocket science, Sis. :D

3. Warm water tastes good anyway when you're gasping as if you've just crossed the Sahara.

Bonus: 4. I need to get a visor. My cap holds heat in like crazy. I don't need to cook any brain cells, I have few enough as it is. LOL

Okay running people, tell me if I'm doing this right. I'm trying to exert as little energy as possible into the running part of the interval. Like, I'm trying to run with my feet as low and level to the ground as possible, not lifting my knees high. And trying to float. It hasn't worked yet, but I'm trying anyway. Not stretching the running stride way long like I'm running for my life or anything. Just keeping it reasonable.

Is this correct?

TY. :)

new running shoes

2010-03-08T04:46:00.001-08:00

It's a good thing. :)

mindpower

2010-03-04T19:33:00.000-08:00

Today Chrissy and I did 2 miles together. She loved every minute; after all, she got to swim in a big ditch of water and then get me and my car seat all wet and dogstinky. lol.

Me, on the other hand - well, I loved it too, to tell the truth, but not necessarily during those particular minutes. HA

So, I'm doing the walk/run combo, and I'm doing pretty good with keeping up the ratio and not making it all walking - btw just a nugget here, I really am not too crazy about the walking part of this. I like running much better. Which is why I want to hurry up and get more endurance. Dang slow progress. What is it Lee says? "One step at a time" or "Rome wasn't built in a day" or something like that. ROFL. Sorry Lee, I know it was a good one but I've just completely forgotten it.

Anyway - back to the story. And there is a point somewhere in here, or at least a question. :D

I'm at approximately 1 3/4 miles, and I've just slowed down from running a couple of "segments" (another btw - segments are what I used to measure my progress. They are very technical and quite accurate. They are "the distance between light poles" rofl) And I'm beat. I'm thinking to myself 'I think that was the last run, I can't do any more, I'll just fastwalk the rest of it.' And then Chrissy looks longingly at a big ditch of water, and I stop and tell her to go for it. She splashes around for at the most, 30 seconds, actually more like 20. I'm watching her, smiling, thinking of how stinky she's gonna be in the car, lol, and when she comes out, I say "c'mon girl" and immediately launch into running again. Didn't even think of what I was doing, I was just thinking of the dog, and it hit me that I wasn't thinking of my legs hurting, my breath being just about gone, how far I had left to go, how I forgot to stop and buy a stupid water bottle (lol), nothing like that. I went from feeling like I could barely pick up my feet (or even breathe) to running - without blinking an eye, without it even being a conscious thought; just turned and started running. In face, I was so focused on my thoughts, I didn't even realize for a while that I was running, and when I did, I got a big charge from it, and ran most of the way back to the tahoe. Woot!

So. If I get distracted and then perform better, what I want to know is, is this something I can use to my benefit? How much attention should I actually devote to the running, and how much to anything but the running? I've been focusing on breathing, and how high my feet/legs are going off the ground, and even down to hand position while running. Should I just let my mind wander free on other things, like the music in my ipod, praying, thinking of things I need to do, that kind of stuff? Is the power of the mind such that I could actually speed up my progress by focusing less on what's going on with my body? Or was this just a fluke? Is it something silly that doesn't hold water and I'm just yapping? lol

Thoughts are welcome. Tell me how I can use my mind to alter my running, and strength training too. This stuff is hard, honestly physically hard; I waited way too long to start trying to shape up and get healthy; so if I can train my mind as well as my body and it'll be a little easier, I'm all for that.

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better day :)

2010-02-20T08:30:00.000-08:00

Last night was a youth lock in and I got zero hours of sleep. lol. So I dropped the boys off this morning at the house for immediate going to bed, and drove back to my 'running track' and did a mile. Better day for it today, not as cold as the other day and I didn't feel the tightness in my chest and coughing didn't commence. But I did feel it in my legs a lot more. Ran a little longer out of the mile today. I think it's gonna come back pretty quickly to the 3 mile distance/ratio I was doing.

Then I drove home, and from 8:20 to 9:20, I slept in the driver's seat, because the Tahoe was so warm, and the sun was shining through the windshield, and I just didn't have the energy or wakefulness to even walk to the house. lol

The pot of coffee ~ it's a brewin'. Gonna need it because I can't sleep a lot today or it'll just ruin the weekend.

But last night was fun, and worth it. And I found some rummy partners. Got my rear kicked, but it was a pleasure getting it done. lol. And I came home so tempted to make something unhealthy for breakfast, but I ended up eating strawberry Special K with a banana sliced in it. Pretty good stuff. Score: Sis - 1, bacon - 0.
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Hey. It's a start.

2010-02-18T15:54:00.000-08:00

WOOHOOOOOOOOO I am feeling good. :)

Only a mile but it was a long time coming. And it was a pretty hard mile, for getting back in the saddle after a couple of months. I was intending to do two, but for some reason something started breaking up in my chest and making it burn when I coughed ~ something I didn't even know was in there, because I haven't been sick. lol. I guess I just haven't been breathing deeply for a long time. Sheesh. What a loser, lol.

So ~ I did the mile, and actually had a running buddy that I LOVED. Because I didn't have to TALK and could listen to Creed in unlimited fashion, even singing offkey and looking crazy to anyone who might be lurking in the bushes watching. Good way to make them leave me alone. heh.

Anyway, I took Big Butt Chrissy with me today. It should tell you something that I had to use an old Rice Krispie treat I found in the car to lure her into the front seat, and she almost got stuck between the seat and the glove box. But once I dumped her out and started out, she was right there with me, with this huge grin on her face (yes dogs grin). She walked when I walked, ran when I ran, and the 2 times she got further than 6 feet away from me, she checked to make sure I was okay every 3 seconds. She's the best dog ever. I love her.

Loved her right up til the time to put her back in the Hoe again. Just so happened, a couple parked next to me and got out to walk over and take a look at the new electric business going in out there. When I finally got Miss Congeniality to leave them alone, she came to me and then refused to get in the car. I had to literally pick her big huge hiney up into the seat. And then I wanted to slap my own self. I had let the windows down for some fresh air, and how was I supposed to keep her from jumping out while I went back to the driver's side? That last stale Rice Krispie came in handy, rofl.

She loved every second of it, but it was hard on a chub like her. She slept all the way home. Aw...

So - the veggie challenge has been going okay this week. Monday the kids were gone to a party so I made a pizza for me and Jack and made sure to put lots of veggies on it. Tuesday night was pho ga for me, loaded with onion, cilantro, Thai basil, and bean sprouts, and a big veggie platter to go alongside the chicken breasts for the rest of the family. Tonight I'm diving into that big beautiful cauliflower in there, with some cabbage and onion on the side as well as sliced tomatoes. So this isn't so hard, if I can just be consistent. And not let life get so much in the way that I feed everybody quick and unhealthy stuff just to get it done.

What else? Kinda rambling tonight. lol. Oh yeah, time for new running shoes. These aren't worn out just yet but my other shoes caved at last, and now I'm working in these. I can tell the soles are a bit less flexible. So a trip to Academy is in the works. That's always fun. :)

Lesson for the day. If you plan to run at 4 pm, make sure you eat something between the low-cal lunch that was at 11, and then. More than the 4 bites it took to eat a little bitty apple. A cheese stick would be nice with that apple.

update today, on my 23rd anniversary :)

2010-02-12T15:00:00.000-08:00

Woot! Twenty three years with ol' Jackaroo. Isn't he the lucky one? rofl

And happy birthday to my Dillon. Dillweed, you are a joy and a pleasure, even when you make me pull my hair out. LOL. Happy 14th.

Okay, updating my progress.

First - exercise. Nada. DANG IT. lol.

Rain and now snow and mostly COLD has kept me inside. Also busy stuff. I will be so glad when the days are significantly longer. And warmer. I want to sweat. lol.

Anyway, I do have that treadmill but it's kind of a clothes horse right now...(blushing)...

So - goal for this week, especially since Monday is a holiday - run. Just run. Don't care how long, how far, how cold it is (unless it's a cold rain, lol) - just do it.

Eating - that part has been going really well. I've been packing lunches and protein snacks like before, and am eating every 2 or 3 hours, 100-150 calories or so, and trying to include some kind of veggie, or fruit, with the actual lunch, like a tomato, or a bowl of salad, or even a bowl of cut up mango. Apple, banana, and protein in the form of a hard-boiled egg or a cheese stick, those are the snacks through the day.I always liked that system back in the fall, and am still liking it.

Water - doing good on that too. Key, still, for me is to drink 2 cups of water right after I brush my teeth in the morning, and get that much over with. Then 2 Smartwater size bottles of water make 10 cups in a day. Sometimes there's some left in the 2nd bottle, but I get at least 64 ounces, as long as I do those 2 cups. But that makes for a quick trip to the restroom as soon as I get to work, LOL - because I still drink several cups of coffee in the a.m.

Spirit - Started the 365 blogfest for 2010, and it's made such a difference in my thought and heart life. Feels like I'm connecting with me again, and with God even more personally. I am loving it. Not every post is a Godthing, but many are, and the rest are just methings and as fun as ever.

Just a note to anyone who might want to consider doing this little challenge with me - it's a healthy eating challenge. Set a healthy goal per week for my family, in regards to our meals. This is my first week (home base is Wednesdays) and my goal is to have a veggie from each color group with every meal M, T, Th, F, and Sat. Three color groups, five suppers, that means veggies 15 times next week. That sounds to me like organization is needed, but it also sounds tastefully fun. Here's a link to the originator of the challenge, for anyone interested. :)

Snow day today was/is awesome, I was in my jammies all morning, til I got ready to go outside and walk in the snow and take pictures. Beautiful.

Can't beat a 4 day weekend. :)

XO

teeth gritting

2010-02-04T18:44:00.000-08:00

More and more, as I grow in age and in Jesus, I find that when something hurts, God sends comfort in a different way. An example: going through a lot of emotional pain right now, and what happens but someone on a forum says something that is so extraordinarily sweet that it takes my breath. Not that I necessarily think what they said is aptly describing me, especially in my present state of mind, but the sweetness and caring was unmistakeable, and that they took a minute to comment publicly really sunk in deep. It was so precious to me.

Another 'comfort', if you can call it that, is the defense mechanism that either God gave me or I developed it on my own and God just finally decided to let me have my way - it's the 'stay busy and you won't have to think about it' or the Scarlett effect, my favorite strategy: "I'll think about it tomorrow, after all, tomorrow is another day."

So what am I finding right now? That I want to run til I can't think of anything, not how hard it is, not how bad I hurt, not a bright future, or a sad event. Just run. I want to run til it really hurts and I think I am crazy. And the good thing is that it'll help me get where I want to be. And maybe then, when I get there, I can stop and actually deal with the sadness.

As it is right now, I am in no shape either way to deal with it. So the Scarlett effect is, indeed, a gift from God. Or his way of letting me have mine.

Character is evident when the going is hard. The going is hard right now. God, let my character be evident. Please, I am needing this.
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seriously, now

2010-02-03T04:35:00.000-08:00

So I was raring to go on December 1? I think my raring turned into a whimper and a skulk...

lol

Total honesty here - I am low. Low in spirits, low in motivation, low in energy. What's wrong with me?

I feel like the past 2 months have gone by in some sort of fog.

What do I do to get back the joy, the commitment, the determination that I had this fall?

I skimmed through this blog from the beginning, and had to smile. I sounded like a 16 year old, excited about a first date or learning to drive or something. lol. That was nice. I want it back.

Gotta start somewhere, and I think I'll start here. Re-reading that a few times, clear my head, give it to God all over again, and take one foot and put it in front of the other. Lather rinse repeat.

'Character is evident when the going is hard.' That gave me strength a few months ago. Right now, it just makes me feel guilty. But since good character is important to me, I re-adopt this as my personal mantra. Along with 'nourish the body, don't feed it.'

Deep breath. I am not excited about this, here in February. Which is exactly why it's so important for me to do it.

Goals for the month: work back up to 3 miles walk/run combo, 3 days a week; muscle training, 3 days a week for at least 20 minutes; fall in love with eating right again, and start dating water again since I do love it so much; blog here at least twice a week; give God every day; and expect success. And to smile, down in my heart, when I think of getting healthy. Those smiles have been hard to come by lately.

:)
(look, there's one now...)

.

one step forward, two steps back

2009-12-01T15:51:00.000-08:00

And, so, now that I've gone through a few weeks of AAAHHH!! and still have hair left that hasn't been pulled out, it's time to get back to the drawing board.

I have to say that November hasn't been my best month. It's been TERRIBLE. And not because of food alone, being the month of the cranberry sauce and the pies but instead, just because of, well, STUFF. Don't you just love that word? It can mean so much...

I'm not gonna spend whining time here, I have another blog for that, HAHA - but things are at a second beginning, if there is such a thing. I've had my emotional breakdowns for the year, all in a month; and I'm back to perky. Well...nearly. LOL

So - as I push the reset button, this week will be a week of re-weigh, re-measure, and take a few steps back so I can run forward...I'm excited again, as I haven't been for 3 weeks now. And boy, have I missed this. There's nothing better to tell you that you've made a life change than being sidetracked and actually being miserable about it. I'm so happy to be desidetracked now, and looking ahead with fresh eyes and renewed energy. And with a fridge full of fresh veggies and some great protein.

Thanks to God for getting me through this past month, and for the hugely exciting month ahead, one of my favorites of the whole year. :)

Now...let there be 'lite' - ROFL!

whew

2009-11-14T12:12:00.000-08:00

This past week has been a difficult one for the fitness program, ever since Thursday a week ago. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were packed with busy and then this week was as well. I did get to run on Tuesday and it was the first time since the previous Thursday, and it was a great run, three miles and good control of everything too, breathing, pace, all of it. Loved it.

And other than that, I've been exhausted in body and spirit. I had something on my mind involving one of my kids since the previous Friday and it was finally pretty much resolved yesterday. I didn't know how much it was affecting me until I recapped my week and saw how little effort I was putting into organizing meals and exercise and how much effort I was putting into being so busy I didn't have to think about things. I think God did that on purpose, for me, and I'll talk about that more on the rain down blog, but at any rate, the busy work has slowed down and so has the thing on my mind. That leaves me so tired. Peaceful but tired, and disappointed in my performance this past week.

I'm resting this weekend, body and mind, and starting fresh Monday, with renewed commitment and energy. Now for the next day and a half, I have to look for the energy part of the plan, lol. I think it's hiding in my sleep somewhere. :)

Measurements will be taken as soon as I locate my tape measure. Dang, that baby disappears fast...

october viginti septumdecim

2009-10-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

Here comes the sun...

It was so good to see it today. I just couldn't wait, when the blue started peeking through, to get out there and do my cardio. :) It was soooo good for this girl's soul...

I finished my 2 miles, and with all the rain lately and the nearly-week off for healing up my knees, I'd lost some ground. So, with the sun shining, and 2 miles behind me, I went ahead and did mile #3. I'm kinda proud because I didn't really want to. But I did it anyway. I will admit that most of that last mile was a fast walk. lol. Moving teeth...

I laughed out loud at something (to me) that was very funny. I have Creed on my ipod for running, and it had just started my favorite of their songs, one that a running friend of mine called "10 mile stuff." I laughed because when it started up, I thought "2 1/4 mile stuff." ROFL - still have a looong way to go before I even think about 10 miles...

Food has been ok, but I'm seeing that if I don't write it down, I don't do as well. So tomorrow I'm starting on a little journal sheet that I can carry with me, and going to use a book and online sites to fill in the calories from there. How quickly I forget little munchies here and there - for instance, I almost forgot that I had a couple cups of popcorn this afternoon. Not a big big deal, but at least 80 calories worth, I would think.

And next time I blog, I want to introduce you to someone...special. ;)

october sedecim

2009-10-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

I've been lax about reporting numbers, so I will right now, but first, let me say that the initial 10 pound loss, which I figured was probably just water, didn't stay lost - the next week, I was back up 6 pounds. That really didn't set well with me. Go figure. I knew it wasn't "real" but still it made me plummet in perkiness. lol

So - I have not weighed all that much. And being 48 and perimenopausal or whatever that term is, my hormones have done a rollercoaster on the scales. But - best I can tell, at this point, I have now lost 10 "for real" pounds, in a little over 6 weeks. That figures out to about 1.6 pounds per week. I'll take it. :)

When I finally hired a detective to find my tape measure, it was October 4 before I measured anything. So reporting on the measurements I took on the 12th or 13th, can't remember, I have lost between those 2 dates, 1 inch each in bust, chest, and stomach, and 1/2 inch in hip size. I'll take that too. :)

Food journey - still plugging away happily. I still haven't felt deprived in any way whatsoever. Seasoning food is where it's at. I like the higher protein that I'm incorporating, yet I also like that I haven't eliminated every bit of carbs. It's good to have a little rice to the side sometimes. But definitely, meat and fruits/veggies are the stars of this show. And this being a weekend, I get to have a sweet thang, if I so desire. At the moment, I have not a clue what it will be. I might just drag that cake out of the freezer instead of baking something else...I need the freezer room anyway. LOL

Anyway, all that to say I'm still great with the eats part of this nutrition tripod.

Exercise - I took a break for a few days, 5 to be exact, to let my knee rest. It's been a bit sore, and I'm trying to figure out if there is more than tendonitis going on here. But I don't think so. I wasn't going to rest it that long, but the rain kept me indoors and I just didn't think much about running on the treadmill - my mind immediately goes to "outside" when I think of running anymore. Yesterday, I did a mile, didn't want to push it too hard after 5 day break and besides, having a day off today, I wanted to go back again. It's a little sore but nothing drastic, so I think I'm good. I'm going to start icing it when I'm done and see if that helps.

Still loving my shoes and my ipod and my alone time. I think it's driving my mom crazy so I'm going to get some of that spray stuff you carry with you to fend off attackers...lol. But I really honestly love doing this alone - I can let off steam and/or tears about things going on in my life, I can talk to God, I can watch the weather and the deer, and I can suffer without worrying about how bad I look. ROFL

Whoever is a Lord of the Rings fan will appreciate this: the other day, I came back from a run and told Stevie "there was a silence between a couple of songs on the ipod, and I thought I heard an elf say 'you breathe so loud, I could shoot you in the dark' and so I looked up into the trees around me, half expecting to see an elf, and I started laughing at myself for that and for how loud I was breathing."

She said "Mom, you're such a nerd." ROFL

just sayin'

2009-10-12T15:26:00.000-07:00

Stevie was telling me about meeting up with a friend today on her way to the library to do some studying - she said "you don't know him, but do you know Chris O'Donnell?" I said "Robin in one of the Batman movies?" "Yep - well, picture him chubby, and that's my friend."

I said "You know Catherine Zeta-Jones? Picture her chubby, and that's me."

I did get a good laugh from her in return. lol

Today's been a ho-hum day. I'm tired - waited up last night for the kids to get back from a concert, and only got 4.5 hours sleep. Not keeping that leg of the fitness tripod on the ground very well. But things still are going well with the nutrition and the exercise legs. :)

My brother told me something the other day, regarding the negative comments that sometimes bring me down - he said "Tell them it's all a balance. You've spent the first 48 years slacking off and eating whatever you wanted, now you're spending the next 48 years eating right and exercising. When you get to 96, you'll party again."

:)

Good one, John.

my sunshine

2009-10-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

Just had to share something that made my day...

Getting dressed to run into town, for a little shopping, and so I decided to wear my workout clothes in case I get back in time to ralk. (lol)

I put on this running shirt that I bought, kinda clingy and I wouldn't be caught dead with it on except that I'm always covering it up with another shirt, LOL. I went in the family room where there's a vertical mirror, and started saying to Dillon "I can tell I've lost some weight, beca..." and he interrupted me with this delighted little voice, saying "WOW, Mom, I can tell! I can definitely see a difference! Good job!"

:)

I wish I could say how much that means to me.

Now to get this lump out of my throat.

october duodeviginti

2009-10-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

Two things I learned today (and one from yesterday):

1) The knee stabilizers sold at places like Walgreen's, they work real good. :)

2) Always take one more bottle of water than you think you need, because you think wrong.

3) People will drag you down, even when they don't know they are doing it.

I haven't talked much about this fitness lifestyle change, except with a few friends and here on this blog; and for good reason. People wait and watch for failure. Example: yesterday at church, when I had something healthy for supper instead of grilled cheese, chips, and ice cream sandwiches, and when asked, explained that it's a change I've made and am making, I got comments like this - "so you're never going to eat good food again?" - "just how long are you gonna keep this up?" - and when a little fellowship was announced at the Dairy Queen and I said I wasn't going, "Oh my gosh...you're NOT GOING?" including the rolling eyes and exasperated expression.

Sheesh. lol

THIS is why I don't talk about it much.

I don't blame anyone, it's human nature. But I do appreciate the support here, and from my coach, and internet friends who know about this, and with two people in particular at church who are quietly vocal in their support. :) It means a lot, and it's enough.

And I hope I never unknowingly drag someone down when they are trying to accomplish something. God, help me be a giver of encouragement, a head lifter in the image of You, instead.

october diapente

2009-10-05T17:47:00.000-07:00

Three things I learned today:

1) I love my new Ipod nano. And running to rock music. It really does help.

2) There does come a point when your legs are hurting so bad, you forget to remember that you can't even breathe.

3) It is possible to pour water straight down your throat into your belly without swallowing.

Today I also learned something about me that's good to know. I learned that when rational thought leaves me, and I'm a bit on the desperate side - well, let's say I have nothing left - I unthinkingly call out to God. During the last run, I wasn't even thinking, and I said "please..." and He did.

:)

quick note

2009-10-02T14:23:00.000-07:00

Gotta go - but just reporting in 3 pounds down, and for my friend who's weighing in too, 10 pounds down. Woohoo!

My biggest indicator, though, is gonna be the tape measure...I finally found it in Dillon's room, but have yet to measure anything yet, except for the upper body armor sports bra I just ordered, LOL.

I'll get to that tomorrow, gotta get gone now. XOXO to everybody who lays eyes on this. :)

october primoris

2009-10-01T17:33:00.000-07:00

Good news to report - tonight I doubled my distance of run/walk. I had been going a mile and focusing on running longer distances before having to walk. But the terrain was not smooth on the road I was using. So I found the other. But I have rethought that - bow season has started here, and gun season will be soon after, and I don't want either of two things to happen - I don't want to be shot, LOL - and I don't want to spook a deer that is about to be powed by my brother. He would be mad at me, lol.

So I found another place to run, and it's on blacktop. Which, btw, is probably what I need to be doing, since I've committed to do a 5K this year. (eek!)

Stevie went with me this time, and will go as much as possible. But she's been walking with a friend, and I really want her to develop more independent friendships from just me, so I'm encouraging that more than her going with me. But tonight was great, we laughed and walked and ran and since she ran cross country in high school, she was able to show me how to use my feet for long distance running. Fun time. I love her. :)

So anyway, I did 2 miles. :) Walk and run, still, but I'm happy with how it went today. Even though it took a long time (40 minutes), compared to "real" runners - I have to keep telling myself I'm starting from scratchier than scratch.

I am so loving this.

worth every red cent

2009-09-29T19:34:00.001-07:00

http://store.nike.com/index.jsp?cp=USNS_KW_0611081618&country=US&lang_locale=en_US&ref=http%3A//store.nike.com/&l=shop,search,c-1+100701/pn-1/sl-socks#l=shop,pdp,ctr-inline/cid-1/pid-179720/pgid-177395

People. GET A PAIR of these.

I love them. Who needs to ask for a foot massage when you're wearing these?

They are worth the 7 bucks I paid for them. Every bit worth it.

dies triginta

2009-09-29T04:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was totally great in that my calorie intake was over 1200, and I found a new road to run on. Woohoo!

And another great thing - most of the extra calories came from protein - I had a really good salmon steak last night. It was so good with the honey-mustard rub that I honestly forgot the fresh mango salsa I made to go with it. LOL, sheesh. As much as I love mangoes. But at least it's in the fridge for tonight. If you're interested (Jenni, NOT!) it's diced mango, onion, cucumbers, and tomatoes - stir it all up with the juice of a lime and some fresh ground pepper and sea salt. Taste buds will have a party with that!

When I went to run yesterday, I cleverly had Dalton feed the dogs and cats at that particular moment so I didn't have a circus following me down the road. lol. Got to the top of the hill, and started to run - as I was making the turn onto Gary's road, there were his parents inching their way down toward me in their truck.

Me being the antisocial type when I run, I just ran a 180 and went back up the hill toward my house. Grumbling. LOL. But it turned out to be the greatest thing, because instead of heading back to the house, I ran past it and onto the place next door, where there are lots of cute little pine trees planted. My dad used to lease it and run cows on it, and we still act like we own it, LOL. Besides, I used to work with Bo, the son of the owner, at UPS and he thinks I rock. :)

As I ran, I was really careful about feet placement because I remembered some washout places from before. But the tree planters must have flattened those, because it was awesome! There were only 2 spots I slowed to a walk for rough patches. (That doesn't mean I didn't slow to a walk more times because I'm a sissy HAHA.) And the best part, the run back is on an slow incline - so there's gonna be some great cardio there. When I got back home, Stevie and I took her exterra and measured out a half mile, so I'd know just how to count it. It's gonna take some creativity to do a mile, some backtracking and repeating, but I have it figured out, and then there will be a great cooldown walking back down the hill to the house.

Now to mow all the goatweed and thicker grass on it. Once that's done, it'll be the best running path ever, and the only thing I'll have to worry about is running across one of Lee's skunks, or a nice little water moccasin or copperhead. LOL. I'll take a photo to post once I mow it.

I really feel blessed to have such a pretty place to run. The smell of the goatweed (I've always liked that), and the pines; the chance to see wildlife (spooked up a bunch of doves yesterday); and just having a chance to get healthier and stronger - God is good to me.

One more thing - the dogs found me anyway. LOL. But it's good to have running buddies that don't talk. ;)

Looking forward to a great day. After all, God made it. :)

dies viginti-septem

2009-09-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm doing good with the exercise, and with the water, especially good. I love that stuff.

Here's the problem I'm having. I am not getting enough to eat. I mentioned it once before...

A typical day is including a few carbs, some veggies, and some fruits, and a big focus on proteins. I'm trying to stay away from high fat meats.

But I'm just not really that hungry.

At first, there was the 'edge' that eating small meals and not getting full left me with. I loved that. Not uncomfortable, just not quite satisfied - it seemed to get me more alert.

But now, I'm just not hungry. I eat, but because it's time. Breakfast; 9:30 or 10 snack; light lunch; snack at about 2 or maybe after school; supper; another snack, like a cup of milk, at bedtime.

My calorie intake is lower than it needs to be. Probably between 1,000 and 1,200 a day.

Help me, people - what's causing this? And what should I do to fix it? I am liking the foods I'm choosing - they are all healthy things...

But I feel like I'm messing up...

music to hurt by (lol)

2009-09-26T17:40:00.000-07:00

Just an alert here, while the playlist loads up - I made a new playlist to work out with. Hopefully soon, I'll get it on something I can listen to while I run. The intent is something hard, tough, motivating, to get through the wah of the pain. lol

(An aside for those who don't care for this kind of music - if you don't want to listen while you read, you can scroll down to the bottom of the page and pause the music - or of course, turn off your speaker - XO)

Many thanks to my friend Lee for helping me find some good stuff. I so appreciate the great help. And yes, all the ones you sent me rock. :)

There are a few in there that are not so loudly motivating - I put them in because the drums and/or guitar just sound fantastic and I know I'd love to hear them while running. ;)

go hard or go home

2009-09-24T20:12:00.000-07:00

(my new theme song)

Go hard or go home, go home if your soft,

If your scared, say your scared,

But you lost from the start,

And i ain’t never met a winner

Who ain’t never had heart

Full throttle, red line, watch me rip it apart

My hearts pumpin, legs shaking and my palms sweaty

Clutched fists and i’m focused so you know i’m ready

I’m livin for this moment, i can’t explain the rush

I’m lovin all this pressure comin thru when i’m in the Clutch

I push it to the limit, i’m in this thing to win it

All this work and dedication man i gotta get it

I work my whole life just for this one moment

I can’t blow it i’m focused, i’m gonna win and yeah i Know it

Its so picture perfect, in the end its worth

Cuz i’ll be known as a legend who just emerged and Surfaced

And took over the circuit, leaving competitors nervous

I’m in the winner circle i had to grind earn it

I’m doin my thing you know who really be the baddest

Well known to all, super star status

Lets do it big, rip this thing apart, that’s what it Is, i be goin hard

Go hard or go home, go home if your soft,

If your scared, say your scared,

But you lost from the start,

And i ain’t never met a winner

Who ain’t never had heart

Full throttle, red line, watch me rip it apart

Watch out i’m comin thru, ima make it do what it do

All my game and super cool, light years in front of you

If your scared than quit now, best believe its goin down

Cuz i will abuse you, straight up misuse you

I’m on my grizzle, on my grind, ima win, ima shine

Any place any time, i’m a beast, i ain’t lyin

I’m going full throttle, yeah its gettin serious

I can do some things that will leave you all delirious

Its that real, i hope you know this

I got my eyes on the prize, man i’m so focused

Livin life on the edge, i’m a renegade

Been doin this a long time and never have i been afraid

I’m lookin at the finish line, i have a clear view

I’m lookin at you far behind, right in my rear view

Don’t get it twisted man, i can help you understand

Any place, every where i go, look i am the man

Go hard or go home, go home if your soft,

If your scared, say your scared,

But you lost from the start,

And i ain’t never met a winner

Who ain’t never had heart

Full throttle, red line, watch me rip it apart

dies viginti-quinque

2009-09-24T04:33:00.000-07:00

I asked a friend the other day about weight lifting programs, and she sent me this video. Let me tell you, the first time I watched it, I couldn't help but smirk a bit. Those are EASY!

After it kicked my butt and I crawled to bed that night and then spent the next day not lifting my arms higher than my belly button (excellent method to eat less, btw), I decided not to smirk any more.

And people, this is just the INTRO. AACK!

Anyway, as I sit here laughing at my foolishness, I want to share it because it's actually a great start to weight training, in my humble and inexperienced opinion.

Don't forget the warmup - look over to the right of the video, it's the top one.

http://vimeo.com/3162445

I haven't ventured to even look at the next level. Baby steps...

Tonight is another test of commitment and will. A women's thingie at the church - theme, Italian. I do love me some Italian food. Everybody brings something and I'm thinking there will be cheese all over. I'm taking Lee's chicken tortellini and might try to bring an adapted tiramisu, or maybe try a lighter version of Olive Garden's salad. I'm gonna have to chant one of my mantras - "character is evident when the going is hard." It would be so easy to slip back into pigout stage. But I'm not going to do it.

Instead, I'm going for the door prizes. rofl

stitch

2009-09-21T17:23:00.000-07:00

Lilo can have him. I hate him.

Three things I learned tonight.

1. You CAN sprint that last 40 feet of the run. It will NOT kill you.

2. It's still fun to make the "ahhhh" sound into the fan when your head is resting on top of it.

3. Never spit forward.

dies viginti - duos

2009-09-21T05:05:00.000-07:00

I just realized that as soon as September is over, I'm going to have to really start counting days to keep up with my Latin translation...nah. Canning it. LOL

Hoping for sunshine today...

And for a successful day of...well, everything.

dies viginti

2009-09-19T18:23:00.000-07:00

Today has been a really good day. I have a lot to say tonight. (HAHA like that's unusual...). It started out really well, even though I was awake at 6 a.m. Jack has set an alarm because not only did he need to go to his office to catch up on some work, he had committed to walk in the Breast Cancer Awareness walk thingie. So it was nice to spend some time together before he had to leave. Mornings can sometimes just be the best. (wink wink!)

I let the kids sleep late today, and I got busy with some laundry and loaded the dishwasher, and then hung out here on the 'puter for a while...finally mastered a technique my friend Lee showed me, woot!

But the main thing I want to talk about tonight - or thing(S) I should say - are food and running. Honestly I don't know if I should call it walking or running because I do both. Maybe ralking. LOL

Enough of that. Let's start with food. I had what's quickly becoming my typical breakfast of champions, a Fiber One bar. I really like those. :) And I wasn't really hungry today, so I ended up not having any snacks, but I made sure lunch and supper was really good stuff. So - with that, here we go...first let me say that these next two recipes were taken from a new cookbook I have (I like to support my kids' schools in their book fairs, lol) called Cooking Light - the essential dinner tonight cookbook. Compiled by Heather Averett. It's got some great photography but even better, the recipes are easy and quick and very do-able.

OK - lunch - I altered it a bit, but basically it's following pretty close to the recipe; changes include Orowheat bread instead of English muffins, and a portabello mushroom instead of the ones called for in the recipe, smoked pepper jack cheese instead of whatever they listed. I squeezed about a third of a lemon into the gill side of the mushroom, and sprinkled seasonings all over it, including Tony Chachere's, salt and pepper. In a pan sprayed with cooking spray, and covered, I cooked it for about 6 minutes, and then took it out and kept it warm. While it cooked, I whisked 6 eggs with some spices and seasonings and a teensy bit of milk, and softly scrambled those. Sliced several thin slices of the pepper jack. In the meantime, the bread was toasting nicely on broil in the oven. When everything was cooked, I put one eggs worth of egg (lol) on the bread, topped it with sliced mushroom, and cheese, and broiled it again. Excellent open faced sandwiches. The Orowheat bread is 100 calories for 2 slices; two scrambled eggs, and less than an ounce of cheese. Totally satisfied.

Supper was from the book, almost directly, from the Chile-Spiced Tenderloin Steaks recipe, except mine wasn't tenderloin, lol. Mix this rub up sometime and you'll love it. 2 tbls fresh lime juice, 1 tsp minced garlic, 1/2 tsp chile powder, 1/2 tsp dried parsley (it said oregano, but I don't have any), 1/2 tsp salt, 1/4 tsp ground cumin, 1/4 tsp ground coriander, 1/4 tsp black pepper, and about 1/8 or so tsp ground red pepper. Mix it all and rub it on both sides of your steak (this was enough for one .65 pound steak) and let it sit for 15 minutes. I actually let mine marinate for about a half hour, and used the time to run. Grill 3-5 minutes each side, and let it stand for a few minutes before slicing. Halved it with Dillon so I didn't eat the whole > half a pound myself. lol.

YUM. It was so good.

I'm listing that just to provide some encouragement about eating tasty food while trying to eat "right." One of my biggest reasons for failure in the past has been trying to eat food that just is bland and doesn't have much flavor. B O R I N G. Gots to have flavor. I like this creativity, playing around with cooking good food. So that steak, a great spinach salad, and a little Orowheat bread to sop it up with (Southerners are soppers from a very early age - every table has bread on it, even if it's just a stack of white bread, to sop up the good stuff left behind on your plate when you're done), and it was a really good meal. There is hope, people who love taste!

Now about the running. I am finding that I have to coach myself ALL THE TIME. Is this natural? lol. My negative mindset keeps trying to sneak in when I'm not paying attention. Like those times when all my attention is on breathing heavily and not tripping on a rock and not having a heart attack.

I am so not at the stage where I can run the whole time, and just walk to cool down. So here's how it's been going. (This is describing me running outside - inside on the treadmill when it's raining, it's just me and the stupid clock on the stove. I hate that digital clock.) A little warm up, then I just start running. And my mind starts talking. Or should I say complaining? To discourage the bad me, I have started coaching myself along with landmarks. "Yes, your legs are burning, but you just run to that electric pole and you can walk a little bit." And so I do that. Then as I walk as fast as possible, my breathing starts to slow a little and my calves back off a tad on the burning, and so before I calm down too much, I tell myself "don't let your breath slow!" and I start running again. But I'm setting visual landmarks the whole time. And I have to make deals with myself. Always looking ahead "ok - when you get under that limb, you're gonna run til you get to the stump and then you can walk til you get to the gate." And in between, I'm telling myself "you're not serious if you're not sweating" and "character is doing it even when it's hard" and my newest one from one of my "coaches" - "pain is weakness leaving the body." I must be Supergirl then. LOL

I guess if it keeps me going, and not slowing down, then it's a good thing that I'm my own Mr. Miyagi.

Ok rambling over for the night. It's amazing how unorganized and disoriented this writing is compared to my other blog. But it's good not to think too much for a change. :)

1 Corinthians 6:19 ~ "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?"

Thank you, God that I love, for giving me a body that's still healthy at this point. Help me to clean up my temple, leaving more and more room for the indwelling of your Spirit.

dies duodeviginti

2009-09-17T15:15:00.000-07:00

I wish I really could read Latin...LOL.

Day eighteen - I weighed today, and am happy to report a loss of 10 pounds. That puts me at 218 right now, yay for me. :) I know a lot of it is fluids, but weight loss has to start somewhere and I sure don't want to be hanging on to all that.

I have to be careful of one thing that I'm noticing - I'm seeing that when I'm really tired, I don't want to eat. "Normally" (meaning before common sense) I'd jump on that as a chance to, well, not eat. But I don't think that's the way I need to go. Yesterday was one of those days - I had something going on that just made me tired and not feel very good, and today, I counted the calories (estimating) I consumed yesterday (which were good choice calories, too). It totaled only about 1,000. Not good.

My mantra is from a really smart guy I know - "Nourish the body, don't feed it" - and I think of that about a thousand times a day...yesterday, I didn't follow through very well.

Today's been better. I am loving fruit - my daily part-skim mozzarella string cheese (and I like to get those strings as teensy as possible, LOL) - 80 oz of water daily - and making choices like whole wheat bread and piling the veggies on as well as some protein in sandwiches and soups...all this is agreeing with me (wonder what's different now? I'm actually enjoying changing my diet, and have no complaints whatsoever so far). I count it a successful day of eating when I do these things. And today was successful.

It's raining (steadily, and hard) for about the 10th day in a row, lol. I love rain and I'm not tired of it yet, but yesterday and today, for 5 or 10 minutes at a time, the sun peeked out and blue sky was showing through the clouds - it was really heart-lifting to see that. But it doesn't look like my running will be outside again. Thank God for the treadmill. lol

dies sedecim

2009-09-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

An unintended little setback tonight - no electricity meant no cooking AGAIN and we ate out tonight. I did only ok - it was a Mexican restaurant, and the taco salad wasn't the bad choice - just too many chips and the sauce was a bit thick on the salad (including sour cream...ack).

But - breakfast was good, lunch was very good - so I'm going to consider it over and done with and not let it drag me down. Tomorrow will be a perfect day. :) Our electricity is back on and I can cook the good stuff I had planned for tonight.

And water. I am having a love affair with water. Why didn't I miss it when I wasn't drinking it? I can't get enough - I love it. :)

dies quindecim

2009-09-14T04:10:00.000-07:00

I am ready for today.

Ready for water, ready for good food, ready for an evening run.

It's gonna be a great day.

Yesterday, Dalton preached a sermon in evening service, and afterward, we celebrated. Supper at Pizza Hut. Not something I really wanted to do, but for the sake of him, and for Stevie, who sang a beautiful song during the morning service, I wanted to do something they like - so we did. And since I had a healthy breakfast and lunch with tons of veggies, I had 2 slices of pizza. I'm really happy to say that I was so stuffed after that - not happy that I was stuffed, but happy that 2 pieces were more than enough. I think my tummy doesn't need as much as it did to fill it up, already.

I've been trying to eat enough, yet still stay a little hungry, and avoid feeling 'full' on the advice of one of my health mentors. It seems to be working. And honestly, I didn't like that full feeling last night. It didn't give me the satisfaction that I would have probably felt a month ago.

Keep it up, Sis. :) And no more Pizza Hut for at least 2 months, if even then. Because honestly, it really did taste good. LOL

dies duodecim

2009-09-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

Day 12. I'm totally exhausted, inside and out.

If I'm going to change my life - mind, soul, body, heart - I have to start with the inside of me and at the bottom. And it's ugly and damp and moldy down there.

I've carried some things for years, deep down at the bottom of the pit. And, as was so aptly put to me tonight, I've been beaten with a big stick of heartache and guilt for years. And my hand was on the stick.

Face to face with - me. I put my shoes on, and stepped out the door to run. And it was raining.

:(

"It takes strength but remember, character and honor is only evident when the going is hard. It's only POSSIBLE when the going is hard."

So I ran in the rain.

I ran, and I walked, and I ran some more. And the rain got harder. And at the turnaround point, I stopped, breathing so hard, and looked over to my right, into a little clearing on the other side of the fence. God has always been so good to me to send a little sign of His love, when I needed it - I'll see a deer, or some other form of wildlife.

So as I stood there, trying to breathe, I looked. Nothing.

I don't know if it was disappointment or what, but as I looked away, I started crying. Not just trickles down the cheeks, either. This was loud. But no one was there in the rain but me. So I let it go, I told God how tired I was, how much I wanted to get rid of this burden, how I know that He forgave me years ago but still, I wanted to never ever feel this way again about it. And as I started running, I cried louder and it rained harder.

When I couldn't cry any more, I just listened to the rain and God's love and walked some more, until I felt the need to find a big stick. Found it, thought about it for a few minutes, and prayed, and then threw that stick into the woods, out of sight. And the thing is, as I threw it, it broke. That stick was rotten. How long had I been carrying a rotten stick, beating myself with it?

But it's gone now. And I'm still at the bottom of the pit, but the cover has been pulled off, and I'm standing now, looking up at the Light. It's the first step in the journey of the new me.

As I walked down to the house, something caught my eye. A little frog, hopping out of my path. I hardly ever see frogs. I had to smile. Faithful God...

God - thank you for your infinite love and patience. Thank you for your wisdom and grace. Thank you for releasing me from prison long ago. Thank you for helping me step through the door of the cell, toward freedom, tonight. I love you with every breath I have.

Angel of mercy, who took time with me tonight - there is no way this side of heaven that you will ever believe that you are this angel that God sent, just to talk and listen to me, this night. One day when I see you in heaven, as my heart knows I will, maybe then you'll believe me, and we can laugh about it. Until that day, just please know that I love you for your heart, your friendship, your patience, and your insight.

dies novem

2009-09-08T20:33:00.000-07:00

Almost forgot to come post this - after a family cookout yesterday (in which I did NOT pig out as I usually do at family get-togethers, yay for me) and a very busy weekend, I was dreading getting on the scales, thinking that I would have done absolutely nothing (said nothing being better than gaining, but still...) - however, to my endless barely-held-back-from-shrieking joy, I lost 2 pounds. :)

I'm happy today. :)

And I got a new philosophy that I'm pondering a blogpost about - today, my fitness guru told me "remember, nourish the body, don't feed it."

Words of wisdom for more than just my tummy. It hasn't left me all day. :) More later, when the thoughtpool gels a bit more.

Have a sweaty day. ;)

one more objective

2009-09-05T09:35:00.001-07:00

I woke up in the middle of the night, strangely, with this thought on my mind: "I also want to ride horses again."

It's been a long time since I've done it. I want to ride horses comfortably, and not look too much like a spectacle. I miss my horses.

Another objective to shoot for. Simple but really wanted.

dies quinque

2009-09-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

I had a really great day at work yesterday; for the first time in ages, it was something I was really excited about. I turned loose of some of our surprise bonus money and bought some cooking supplies to use in ADL therapy. I have a few kids who are really needing to address functional life skills at this point in their career. So I got one of those single burner electric things, a toaster oven (convection, woohoo!), dishpans and a drain rack, a pot and a skillet, cooking utensils, what else? Already had my microwave in the room...oh, yeah, looked for a little fridge but our walmart doesn't have that...

Anyway - I was wondering about controlling myself in the midst of cooking frenzies, because I did 2 cooking groups yesterday - one was a cookie party, one was a popcorn party (depending on the abilities of the students). I am really happy to say that I had 2 small cookies at the party (because when a couple of 1st graders bake cookies, it would be a horrible thing to refuse to have one of each kind...) and a cup of lite popcorn. The rest was all about them. It was the best day I've had in a long time.

Girls nite out was also yesterday, and the restaurant of choice was Buffalo Wild Wings. It wasn't bad - I got wings with mango habanero sauce, and a salad - they were really good, too. I did cave for a glass of diet coke, but only one - I got water as well and only refills on the water. We shopped around in some fun stores afterward, and I found the spice grater I'd been wanting, and it has a pink handle, woot! lol

The bad part of the evening was when everyone (except me) wanted to stop at Cold Stone Creamery. Ah...what's a girl to do? lol. I wasn't good but I wasn't as bad as I could have been. I got the smallest cup with 1 scoop chocolate and 1 scoop of the Sinless Sans Fat (it's also no added sugar) - when they're mixed, it turned out to be just fine.

The rest of the day was fine, foodwise - really good choices. And I found a way to have a really tasty salad dressing and cut the calories by more than half. My favorite bottled dressing is (shamefully, LOL) a "kid" dressing - it's Light 3-Cheese Ranch by Kraft. Yesterday, I was having a salad with some bites of roast cut up into it for lunch, and there was a lot of spinach in that salad - I didn't really want all the dressing that it would have taken to give me the amount I like. So I took some of the fresh salsa that I had made earlier this week, and whisked it with the 3-cheese ranch, at about 2/3 salsa to 1/3 dressing. It was really good. I'll have to see how well it stores in the fridge, but it should be ok.

So - I think day 5 was a moderate success. I would have passed up on the ice cream without a 2nd thought if no one had mentioned wanting to go. But not wanting to be a party pooper, I tried to make decent adjustments. Plus I tipped them in the jar by the cashier, and all the guys behind the counter started singing the Kokomo song. Fun! lol. The supper was one I don't typically get - I'm not a big one to buy breaded meats in a meal - but the breading was thin. Next girls nite out is supposed to be at somebody's house, so I think I'll be much better that night - the food I'll bring will definitely be something tasty yet good for me.

Sorry to be so long winded about this post - but I'm avoiding laundry. LOL

dies quattuor

2009-09-03T18:36:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I had a good day yesterday, because today wasn't nearly as good. I guess I'm having caffeine withdrawals, lol - getting off the diet cokes kinda got to me today, especially since I didn't make an afternoon pot of coffee. If I do that too many days, my ears start to ring, so I limit myself to a.m. coffee. All that to say about 1:30 this afternoon, I started getting this nagging headache and it has yet to leave.

Food choices were good today, and since it's boring to list every meal, I'll just say I didn't get off track. And got 64 ounces of water in. Ok, good.

Exercise is stretching everything, some crunches, and Pilates tonight, as soon as I'm done here.

I've been meaning to sit down here and hash out what I even want to get from this. Now's as good a time as any, I guess. These are in no particular order, they're just coming out of my head as they come.

#1 - physical health, and abilities - 50 isn't young, no matter how much I want to convince myself that I'm not old. It's here, baby. And I have watched my eyes get less flexible, my body get less cooperative, my stamina and endurance slipping away in little increments. I can't forget what good shape I was in working for UPS and loading 4 trucks, as well as manning the overweight package counter. But you know what, that was 20 years ago, sheesh! Thinking about it won't help me any at all. Realistically, I'll never be in that shape again. But that doesn't mean I won't be able to comfortably hike when we go camping; canoe and raft with better flexibility; climb all those dang school stairs at work without losing my breath; and just feel better altogether.

#2 - physical appearance - yes, I am a Christian and should I even be thinking about this part of it? Well, I think I should. How Christ honoring is it to sit down and consume gobs of unhealthy food and drinks and just overlook the fact that it makes me look BAD. Isn't my body the temple of the Holy Spirit? He's got some kind of a mess in there to cohabitate with, I can tell you. Cleaning up physically will honor God - it'll show people that God has blessed me and I am going to be a good steward. Gluttony and laziness is a sin just as much as anything else. Now, does that mean God loves me more when I'm in better shape? No, never. He loves me fat or skinny, jogging or sitting on the couch. What it does mean is that I am more obedient and God-centered and less focused on my own gratifications.

#3 - vanity - all that being said right above, I'd be lying if I didn't confess that part of this is to look better. I am sick of how I look. I am sick of the Mammaw clothes that are typically found in my sizes, and I absolutely hate all the flowy "plus" stuff that most big-girl stores sell - that looks good on many women, but it's just not me. I'm a jeans and boots kind of girl. I want to look better in jeans and boots. I want to wear a cute one-piece bathing suit and not care if I have a t-shirt on. I want to buy sexy lingerie to model for Jack. One of my biggest goals, believe it or not, is to have a stomach flat enough to tuck a shirt in again. So yes, vanity plays a huge role here. But in another sense, taking care of the way I look is also God-honoring, because it shows how much God is taking care of me. If I look healthy and active, then I look "together" and since God is the one keeping me together, it points right back at Him.

#4 - spiritual health - for about 2 years now, nearly 3, my spiritual self has been on a roller coaster. Not up and down about God's presence or love or my salvation or anything, but just about where I'm supposed to be, what my place is, what my purpose is - you know, I was way happier and more content when I just served people. I want to get back to the point where so little is about me and what I don't have, and way more is about others and what I can give them.

#5 - emotional health - going into menopause has been part of the roller coaster ride. I'm just thinking, and I hope I'm right, that if I'm more physically healthy, and more spiritually giving and serving, then I can't help but feel more emotionally healthy. I seriously think there have been a couple of times I was very close to depression, and I know for sure that I've experienced burnout and still am, to some extent. I'm ready to be happy again, through and through. Not just joyful, but happy too.

#6 - family health - I want my family to be healthier too, in all these ways. And I can't ask them to do anything I'm not willing to do myself. :)

That's probably not everything, but it's what my mind comes up with for now. And I'm off now to finish up, and then to bed.

dies three

2009-09-02T18:28:00.000-07:00

Y'all - I feel totally awesome.

Just a great feeling today, and you know what else is great? I feel excited to be back at church again, doing all the doings that get done. :) Cooking supper for the kids and workers, going to youth, and afterward, Stevie and I power walked (as best this ol' gal can, when it comes to power walking, LOL) to the high school and back, which, btw, totals 2 miles. And we did it in 45 minutes. That's not so good for anyone who's really a runner, but I am pretty excited about it myself. Yesterday, 20 minutes nearly whipped me, and tonight, 2 miles - I'm just glad. And for those who are interested, I SWEATED. BIG TIME. YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO SNIFF ME RIGHT NOW. teehee!

Food recap - 1/2 bagel with 1 tsp. cream cheese, little bit of jam, and 1/2 grapefruit with splenda for breakfast; mozzarella string cheese for morning snack; 1 slice cold pizza and a banana, lunch; boiled egg (it sure was good, too) about 3, and then a chef salad with about 2 tablespoons low-fat ranch (approx 3 ounces chopped ham, couple ounces shredded cheese, and lots of veggies, that baby was loaded); since I had supper about 5:30, and I got home after 8, I just finished a snack of 10 baked chips with fresh salsa (no fat no sugar, all veggies), and a cup of 2% milk. And - woohoo! I got all my water in. 80 ounces, yippee! I just hope I don't wet the bed tonight...LOL

I don't know what's different tonight - but my mind seems clearer than it has for a good long while. I hope this is a good sign that maybe I'm more refreshed and ready for the new school year than I thought. I really had fun, teasing Thermon and laughing with my kitchen helper girls...and Stevie, who's no longer a "youth", helped too - that was really cool. I loved having her back there with us. She's my awesome girl. :)

It was just a good day. Hope tomorrow is even better. :)

high stakes

2009-09-01T19:07:00.001-07:00

They just went way up.

We were teasing Jack about how many times he's gone off his Atkins diet this year. And he CHALLENGED ME (eek!) - me being me, I pounced on it.

Whoever loses the most by New Year's Eve. Two Thousand Nine. We are looking at percentages, since our weights are different - Stevie and Jack say 20% of our weight. That's around 40 pounds for me, 60 for him. Forty pounds by the end of December = 10 pounds a month. That sounds like a lot to me. I'm not sure we can do it.

But I can't tell HIM that. ROFL

We have yet to establish the prize. :)

dies duos

2009-09-01T18:35:00.000-07:00

Day two was kind of fun, foodwise. I made something this morning that I've never made before: whole wheat bagels. I halved them in size from the original recipe - New Yorkers must eat HUGE bagels - so these were about 3 inches across. With about 2 teaspoons of reduced fat cream cheese and a teaspoon of strawberry jam, it was a good breakfast. Lunch was salad with the boiled egg I was supposed to eat as a snack chopped into it, LOL - looong meeting today. Snack, a string cheese stick with an apple, and supper was a Mexican pizza, with whole wheat crust and and veggies, as well as some taco meat and cheese. I was gonna have a salad but I just really didn't want it. I did have that half of a mango with one scoop of the low fat ice cream.

The recipes for the bagels, pizza, and ice cream will be on the cooking blog before too long - I'll link back here.

I have the excellent advice to stay a little hungry all the time. Well, I have, today. :) I know that I could go in there and eat more pizza, but this is the "no" time.

And now for the treadmill. See ya. :)
(edit: and done - took it outside, instead, it's so pretty tonight. Backed way up from last Spring, just did 20 minutes worth. But the heart rate got on up there, and my calves are a'painin me. lol)

5 1/2 minutes of your time

2009-09-01T18:02:00.001-07:00

Give it to watching this.

I have never, ever watched any type of athletic performance and actually wished that I could do it myself. Until now.

If I was 14 again, I'd be all over this. As it is, I just watched it twice with my mouth hanging open in amazement.

Be sure your speakers are on, the music rocks too. Brought tears to my eyes. The whole thing is just that good.

cheating already...NOT

2009-09-01T03:45:00.000-07:00

Some of you astute readers with excellent memories may notice a change in yesterday's post. But I assure you, I did NOT cheat! Instead, the answer to the change is that I am an idiot. Heh.

The change comes from the starting weight; in re-reading the post this morning to see just how crazy I sounded last night, I read the weight and shrieked (in my mind, lol) - it wasn't 238, it's 228! (Wow, look how good I am, I lost 10 pounds already, ROFL)

As I typed, I was thinking how close to 230 the number 228 is, and lo, I did a mistype. Honest. I am not succumbing to the power of the deceptive mind. :)

And wow, I feel more empowered already, as if I really DID lose 10 pounds, haha - go figure.

While I'm here, I may as well say I'm trying a new breakfast food this morning - homemade whole wheat bagels. I have some reduced fat cream cheese in there, and with half a bagel, the cheese, and just a smidge of jelly, like maybe a teaspoon for flavor, I should be good for the morning. Doing a spinach salad for lunch.

Oh yeah, and I'm feeling a little bit better today. Maybe this'll be the day I kick this stuff that's trying to bring me down.

dies unus

2009-08-31T19:21:00.000-07:00

OK so here I am. Day one and recapping. First I have to say how good it feels to drink water again. Seriously. I like water when I drink it. It's just substituting it is too easy. Ya know, I bet I save money on this, not buying diet cokes. BTW - that's a goal too - no diet cokes, at least for a month. Coffee, I ain't budging, LOL.

I don't know really how this'll go, but for now, I think I just need to start out looking at what I had to eat during the day. And any random thoughts I might have. And whether I exercised, which for today is a no for walk/jog but a yes for Pilates. Lame, I know, but I'm seriously fighting off catching something and have felt like I was going to hurl all day long. So I'm just glad to have the Pilates in there.

Lemme get this out of the way. Weight. Bleh. I am HUGE. I have gained back all but 1 pound of what I lost last winter. At least, from what I'm remembering. And that makes me mad at myself because I didn't think I gained very much back. So - right now I stand at 228. Yuck. And that hurt to type. LOL. But if I'm doing this, I'm being honest. An aside right now, I weigh at church on a decent set of scales, and while I was waiting for Dalton to get off work, I realized I forgot to weigh this morning. The power of the mind, I was totally trying to convince myself to wait til tomorrow, as if first thing in the morning weigh-in would magically erase 5 pounds. LOL. And then all the way home, I played around in my head with the idea of just pretending I didn't just weigh, I mean it was only an hour after supper, blah blah. Heh. My biggest enemy is gonna be me.

Ok, so there it is, in all it's ugly unglory. I can't find my tape measure, so I'll have to get another at Walmart next trip, and then I'll post measurements.

Ok - food: banana for breakfast; grilled chicken wrap (no dressing) for lunch in late morning; tomato soup and a cheese stick for a snack; 3/4 cup basmati rice with a pat of butter, 4 ounces smoked sausage, 1 slice whole wheat bread, and about a cup of baby carrots for supper. Not too bad but not as refined as I want it. Pretty good on the water, but I want to drink about 2 1/2 quarts a day and I didn't make it today, more like 1 1/2.

As I think about this, I realize maybe for the first time ever in my life that this is going to be a long haul. And it's not going to be easy. And I love to cook and I love sweets - and even though I can avoid them fairly easily, it's not a realistic thing for me to believe that I can always stay away from a piece of cake. So I have to come up with something realistic, something that works for me. I was thinking about the ice cream that I made yesterday (haven't had any yet, except tasting it as it came out of the ice cream maker). Already I substituted the 4 cups whole milk for 2%, and the 2 cups heavy cream with 1 cup half&half and the other cup 2%, that helps a little; also I cut back on the sugar by a quarter cup. Sounds pretty good but still, a bowl of that ice cream is NOT on my plan. What system will work for me so that I can have something I really love and still not blow it? What popped into my head was fruit, and ____ in moderation. For instance - 1/2 cup sliced mango (55 calories) plus one small scoop of ice cream. Gotta sit down and do the figures on the ice cream, lol. Do I have to have it every night? No. Is it acceptable for the nights when I really want something sweet? Yes.

It may sound like I'm trying to make excuses for my already foreseen failure. But in actuality, I'm trying to plan something that will work. I love fruits and veggies, but having baby carrots and an apple every single day is going to get old fast. Variety, and allowing small treats periodically (not every day) is going to be more interesting and fulfilling, and successful.

I've rambled on long enough for tonight. I don't think I want to talk this much every night about so many different things. Tomorrow may just be a quick post on how I did during the day. But the important thing is, I've begun. I hope tomorrow I feel like doing the treadmill, and so far, tonight, it looks like I'll be back to normal in the morning. :)

t-minus 15 hours and counting

2009-08-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

This is a blog about change. The idea came about from me wanting to change my size, weight, looks, whatever you want to call it. And journaling about it just seemed like the right thing to do. The most introspective, and the most educational.

But it's so much more than that, changing my size.

It's about physical changes. It's about mental changes. Emotional changes. Life changes. And spiritual changes.

It's going to evolve, most likely, from what I intend for it today into something totally different. Things have a way of doing that. But that's ok. As long as I'm still moving toward the goals, then I'm good with it.

If you're here, reading this, it's because you've linked to it from my personal blog, or because I've sent you the link. I have a favor to ask of you...I ask you to pray for me, think of me, encourage me, chide me, cheer for me, love me...and I promise to do the same for you.

As I explore the me that is now, and the me that I want to become, no doubt there will be tears and laughter, highs and lows, failures and successes. I want to share them with you, if you'll let me. And I want to hear about your ups and downs as well - please comment freely.

The next post will take some thought that I just don't have a lot of time for at this moment, so I'll be back tonight to try to get it down. The 'why' of doing this, and the 'where' I want to go.

Life is a gift, and I don't want to squander it for another minute. :)